humor

Peachka Knocked Your Deer Over

I know my husband isn’t the only one with an imaginary friend.  Even if you’re over the age of 3, it isn’t unusual for some of you to have an imaginary friend.  If strange things happen around your house, like they do ours, you too probably have an imaginary friend.

Our imaginary friend is a female named Peachka and has lived with us since the day I moved in with my hunter…

Jody:  Mark, I can’t find my keys.

Mark:  Maybe Peachka took them.

——————–

Jody:  Why is there a penny in the bathtub? You got undressed in the bedroom.  WT? Ewww.

Mark:  It’s probably Peachkas.

——————–

Jody: Who ate all my cupcakes and put the empty box back in the cabinet.

Mark:  It wasn’t me.

Jody:  There are two of us that live here.  Me and you.

Mark:  It was probably Peachka.  I noticed she’s gaining a bit of weight?

——————–

Jody suffering from 29 year old hot flashes:  Umm Mark, did you turn the heat up again?

Mark: No.

Jody:  Well it’s on 72 and I had it on 66.  This isn’t Florida.  If you want to walk around the house in a t-shirt move south.

Mark:  I didn’t touch the heat. I’m not kidding.

Jody:  Today is not the day Mark.

Mark:  It wasn’t me.

Jody:  Oh .. I suppose Peachka did. Go ahead say it.

——————–

My hot flash took over…

Tonight when I get home, there better be a place setting for Peachka.

When we go shopping at Cabelas this weekend, you need to sit in the back seat ’cause Peachka is sitting in the front seat with me.  And when I’m having a conversation with Peachka at Cabelas, everyone will be staring at you.

Oh and tonight … make sure you sleep in the guest bedroom ’cause that’s where Peachka sleeps.

Have a good day all … I have to go pick up a deer head and glue it’s 20 point horns back on.  Peachka knocked it off the damn wall and I swear it wasn’t me.

See the original article at TheHuntersWife.net

humor

Dead Bag Buck & A Grass Kisser

Just another ordinary day at the house of a deer hunter:

Time: 5:00 am – in a dark house.

Mark: Jody can you come in here please.
Jody: Where are you?
Mark: In the kitchen.

I turned the corner, flipped on the kitchen light and there it sat.

And it scared the bejeebies out of me.

My husband’s friend’s buck.

And thank goodness I’m not the cook around here because I’d have an attack if I saw that in my freezer.

In the 2 years I’ve been running this outdoor blog, the input here is 100% mine.  But for some odd reason my husband thought he needed to dictate Larry’s story to me.

And I quote:

Larry scored this 3 1/2 year old 8 pointer on his property out of a tree stand on opening day of shot gun. He weighed out at 186 lbs and will be sent to Critter’s Taxidermy in Winamac, Indiana where John Ingram has mounted several heads for me. (My husband)

Yes dear readers, my husband obviously has no clue I run a humorous outdoor blog. He thinks he might get away with being all serious as to how, when, and where this buck was harvested.

It doesn’t matter how good a friend Larry is, neither one of them are getting away with some serious buck story on my outdoor site.  You will never hear me say, “Damn, that’s a nice buck”.

Because I don’t talk like that.

That would be over my dead … 6 point fake buck.

And I think mine weighed 186.5 lbs.

And mine still has his little legs.

Wooo wait a minute … what is wrong with me!

For the love of grass clippings.  Larry owns Meier’s Landscaping & Lawn Service and is in charge of my yard while my hunter is away hunting and I’m busy watching my love movies eating pizza with my feet up.

“Damn!!! That’s a nice buck!”

Have a good day all  … Luv,  The GR Ass Kisser.

If you’re in the Winamac, Indiana area and are looking for a taxidermist, you can call John Ingram at 1-574-946-6857.

If you’re in the Northwest Indiana area and need any lawn or landscaping work done, you can call Larry Meier at 1-219-989-9070.

See the original article at TheHuntersWife.net

humor

Confessions of A Crazy Hunter’s Wife

Yes, that’s me.  The crazy hunter’s wife.  The wife that does and says crazy things sometimes.  And sometimes I try not to but I can’t help myself…

Whenever Mark and I are at Cabelas he always sees someone he knows and forgets to introduce me so this past weekend I said, “Hi I’m Mark’s mistress, Candy.”  And I started smacking my gum.  Maybe he’ll remember next time.

The gum I’ve been smacking is that bazooka gum that I bought at Halloween that holds a ton of sugar for about 20 seconds.  Then I throw it out and get a another piece.  It really is good for smacking.  And if I hear you smacking you’re gum, I’ll ask if you’re gum’s good. Even if I don’t know you and see you in the store smacking that damn gum.

I unfollowed a guy yesterday on Twitter because he said something about spooning.   I’m sorry but if my husband ever said anything about spooning, I’d pack up my dresses for him cause he doesn’t live here anymore.

I’ve never shoved my hand up a turkey.  I’d have a giblet attack. And if my husband didn’t live here anymore, I’d have to order chicken.

I’ve never hit a critter with my car except once I thought I hit a bird. Out of guilt, I drove 10 miles back to see if I did.  Never found the poor little thing.  Hope a cat didn’t get it.

My sister-in-law once told me I have eyes like a doe.  WT?  I look nothing like a doe.

Because that’s a buck.

I’ve been entering The Pioneer Woman’s contest for 2 years now.  I found her blog a few months after I started my blog.  Well I finally won a contest.  It wasn’t a mixer or a pair a cowboy boots or a gift card … I won one of her book tour t-shirts.  And they are adorable … And fitted …  Around the waist …  Where my cupcakes land.

I’ve been using not so nice words lately.  I’m sorry.  There’s something in the air.  I think it’s because there’s a full moon coming.  I think I just need to fly off on my broom and call it a day.

Have a wonderful day all … I’m off to throw out my gum, do a few situps and refrain from using bad words.

Hahahah, okay.

P.S. – Tomorrow is my real life – could be a Lifetime movie – Peeping Tom story.

See the original article at TheHuntersWife.net

humor

Buckless Bob

I don’t talk hunting much except with Bob. Or sometimes he is referred to as Bobby or we can use his nickname given to him by his friends – Buckless Bob.  And I don’t have to tell you why.  It’s one of those names that needs no explanation.  Poor Bob.

Bobby, as I refer to him as, is my hairdresser’s husband.  And every hunting season Bobby and I talk hunting.  Not by my choice of course.  And just as hunting season opens, Bobby will ask, “So I suppose Mark already got his 25 point buck.”  Because that’s what buckless Bobs say. And if I were a real hunter’s wife I’d carry a picture in my wallet to show Buckless what he’s missing.  But I’m not and … well … I’d rather not rub it in.

Poor Bob.

Because I’m not mean like that.

I focus on other things besides hunting, camouflage and big @ss bucks.

I just focus on hats above ears that remind me of  Devo that sings Whip It.  Whip it good.

When they sing -  “Crack that whip” now I’m ganna say, “Smack that buck”.

Have a good day all and here’s hoping Buckless Bob will have a new nickname when this hunting season ends.

See the original article at TheHuntersWife.net